“I understand, officer. I don’t want to be standing out here either when it’s colder than a well-digger’s ass, especially when the missus and I should be chowing down on some gnocchis at Sabatino’s instead. But, you ask me, the real problem isn’t the submachine gun I’m holding right now. “You guess right. The real […]
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This All Started with Peanuts by Nik Korpon
“I understand what you’re saying, Officer, and I’m tired you darkening my doorstep too. But this here is a big misunderstanding. See, I thought we were people. But apparently my neighbor Big Dick thinks we’re goddamned savages who give out peanuts on Halloween. Who the hell wants that? “Sure, me and him go back a […]
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The Season of Giving by Nik Korpon
“Yes, officer, I understand you have to call the fire chief immediately in matters like these, but—in matters like these—you need some background on me and Big Dick first. Cause there is some history. “This whole issue started back in the nineties when Big Dick’s son, Little Dick, put some shaving cream inside my boy […]
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Ho Ho—Hold on a Sec: The Reindeer Situation by Nik Korpon
“It wasn’t supposed to go down like that, hear? But a man can only be pushed so far before he’s bound to spring back. And I told that fucker that I’d spring like God’s guiding my hand.
“And so you understand where I’m coming from, his daddy’d been trying to outdo me for years. At least since Eisenhower. You’re a young-un, so mind, back then there wasn’t this whole spectacle, ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ and what-all. Back then, we’d crack some Bohs and have us some neighborly rivalry.
“Anyway, somewhere round ’64, ’65, things changed. Can’t remember exactly, but some money was laid, some stakes was upped, some decorations was tampered with. Huh? Course it was that sonbitch. I ain’t the type of man to lose, but when I lose, I’m a man. I don’t go round no one’s house and stick pins inside the electric socket to blow out someone’s lights. Someone’s ass get turned to fried chicken that way.
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A Hundred for the Crows pt. 3 by Nik Korpon
Inside the quarry building, Lester found an office housing only two desks and a row of filing cabinets. A pad of blotter paper sat on each desk, along with a pen set and blank name plates. A thick layer of dust covered everything, as if all the workers had simultaneously quit or just disappeared. He […]
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A Hundred for the Crows pt. 2 by Nik Korpon
The midnight desert always held a special holiness for Lester. In the time after Jacob had left home, he’d tiptoe around his father’s drunken mass and out to the porch to watch the stars poke holes in the darkness, sky that same color as the onyx pieces he’d find when digging in the fields. He’d […]
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A Hundred for the Crows pt.1 by Nik Korpon
When Lester returned to his land after the twelve-hour ride back from re-burying his daddy, he found his house vibrating with emptiness. His voice echoed off the wood floors, off the tin dishes sitting in soapy water in the ceramic sinks, off the bare wood walls adorned with only two photographs. He stood in the […]
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MONTEVIDEO by Nik Korpon
City of Baltimore Motor Vehicle Accident Report Report #: 581053 Date: 06/28/1997 Time: 12:57 reported. 14:23 arrived on scene Report Type: Hit and Run Photos: Yes Investigating Office/ID: McNally, James 8538 Street Name: 2800 block Orleans Street, Orleans and Kenwood Traffic Signal: No In Intersection: Yes Type of Unit: Driver Name: Registered to Jones’s Used […]
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