Friday, April 27, 2012

The Key

-Why can’t we go again?

-Be bad for you.
-Bad for me? How so?
-Jus’ bad.


-It’s just a key.

-A sandbar practically. A couple of palms. Mangroves.

-Huh. Looks safe enough to me.
-Señor should jus’ go back to his hotel, no? Nice beach at hotel. Clean.
-But we want to go over there.



-Look, I have plenty of money.
-Be better you go back to hotel, señor.
-But my wife wants to snorkel.
-So she snorkel at hotel, yes? Snorkeling good at hotel.
-But the water in front of the hotel is all cloudy. There’s hardly any fish. The wind is lighter out there. Look.



-Jesus Christ. You people. Here.

-Take it.

-Just talk to your friend.

*

-So what’s the deal, baby?
-The guy said we shouldn’t go.
-What do you mean he said we shouldn’t go? Did you tell him we’d pay?
-Yeah. Even tipped him to get things greased with the boat dude. Vibed it was a bad idea.
-Cripes, what’s it, a fifteen minute putter out there and back? You can see the waves breaking on the reefs from here and it looks gorgeous. Private.
-Well, apparently it’s a no go. Guess it’s a superstitious thing or something.


-Superstitious.
-Yeah. Let’s just forget it and head back to the hotel.
-I don’t want to go back to the hotel. Snorkeling in front of the hotel sucks. I want to see a barracuda.
-You’ve seen a barracuda.
-No, I haven’t.
-Yes, you have. Remember our trip to the BVI?
-You saw a barracuda in the BVI, I didn’t. I was sick, remember?
-Let’s just head back to hotel and hang. Read a little. Play some bocce with that Canadian couple. Order a couple of micheladas. Maybe the hotel area will get better after lunch.



-Please don’t start with the eyes.
-I just don’t get it. That boat guy has been been motoring around all week. I’ve seen him. Back and forth, back and forth. What’s the big deal?
-Guess there’s a good reason. Oh, what? Now you’re giving me the pout too?
-I bet you didn’t even tip that guy.
-I did.
-Oh, yeah? How much?
-Like twenty bucks.
-American?
-Of course I gave him American. Pesos are like play money. They take dollars here.

-Hey—wait. Where are you going?
-I’m going to go talk to the boat guy.
-Honey, don’t….
-Sweet talk. Be right back.

*

-You’re just mad because I made this happen. Here. Rub some sunscreen on my back. Phew, what’s wrong with you? It’s not like it’s a reflection on your manhood or anything. Negotiating is what I do for a living, sweetie. One of the first things they teach you in law school is everything, no matter how impossible, can be negotiated. Don’t forget to do the backs of my arms.



-Hell, negotiation is how I got you to marry me in the first place.
-Gee, that makes me feel sooo much better.

*

-Oh, baby, look! To the right, eleven o’clock. A stingray! Do you see it? Oh, the water is so clean out here. See, I told you this would be better than at the stupid hotel. I can’t wait to get into the water.
-Wait a minute, why is he—?
-Hmm?
-Why is he going around the island?
-I don’t know. Maybe it’s a better place to anchor. Ask him.
-I don’t speak Mexican.
-You mean Spanish.
-I don’t speak Spanish.
-Neither do I.
-But I thought you said you sweet talked him.
-I did. In a way.
-In a way?
-Mostly I just pantomimed.
-Pantomimed….
-Yeah. And upped the cash-o-la gesturing a smidge.
-Oh, great.




….
-What? What’s wrong now?
-I just…I just don’t…this doesn’t feel right.
-Oh, will you relax? See, he’s cutting the motor. Guess we’re anchoring.
-Honey? Oh shit, honey, get in the water.
-In a sec. I need to adjust my mask.
-No, get in the fucking water right now!
-What? Oh, no. Oh, Jesus!
-Please! Please God no! We have money! Please! My wife, we have—

~FIN~